Pope wants proof of celibacy from new gay priests

It's not a pretty picture.

Later this month, instructions are issuing from the Vatican aimed at the heads of Catholic semenaries around the world requiring that gay candidates demonstrate that they have been celibate for three years. Jesus Christ!

The Vatican knows better than anyone that it's nearly impossible to prove a negative, so there must be an electronic chastity belt available similar to the electronic shackles that Martha Stewart learned to remove.

No fools, the Vatican, the tighter strictures state that would-be priests will also be excluded if they declare homosexuality publicly, take part in gay rallies, frequent gay associations, show an interest in homosexuality through the use of the internet, books and films, or maintain a music collection that includes Ricky Martin or Barbra Streisand. Cable television may not be explicitly banned -- stay tuned!