Stealth from the MTA

They that is Evil have tried to slip one beneath the shadows of the intense media coverage of Tom DeLay's indictment, Judith Miller's prison release ('bout time on both counts) and John Roberts’ Supreme Court confirmation. The MTA is now enforcing its “no beverage” policy on the subway trains, although they relented and now permit beverages on the platform. “If you have a steaming hot coffee on the 5 or 4 train at 8:30 a.m., I hope to hell a cop gives you a summons, you have no right to do that,” said MTA Chairman Peter Kalikow according to Chuck Bennett at amNewYork.

I’m all for fluid-exchange safety, but abstinence is definitely the wrong way to go. Let them outlaw the real problem, which is the unenforced backpack rule. Chest- or belly-high, they swing around from left or right mercilessly, flinging molten java onto the seated, elderly woman who is accompanying her ferocious-looking son to his sentencing hearing with the hope of leniency because she has no one else to look after her.

And the headphones. Not only does everyone else have to hear bad music in low-fidelity despite laws to the contrary, the noise contributes to the din that keeps the PA announcements unintelligible.

Besides, the MTA is missing an extraordinary marketing opportunity. “MTA-Approved” containers offer additional licensing monies for the notoriously cash-strapped and underfunded agency (results may vary according to the context of the financial report). Selling beverage hats through Starbucks is a natural alliance, since they were expected to introduce a mainlining system early next year anyway.

No, the reason the MTA chooses to punish the addict has nothing to do with safety or even carryover from the Rockefeller drug laws. Nobody wants to be held responsible for the obvious negligence in the subway car design, the failure to include adequate cupholders for an increasingly mobile commuter population. They’re willing to pander to the noise-generators and the noise-impaired by installing LED displays for announcements, but try and juice up for a morning of tax-revenue-generating activity and you deserve a summons. Someone in this city has got to get their priorities straight.

And yes, Tom DeLay sucks too.